


Moving Forward

by nitohkousuke



Series: How To Be A Person: Vanitas Edition [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, Personal Head Canons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 15:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17790050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitohkousuke/pseuds/nitohkousuke
Summary: SPOILERS FOR KH3!Ventus and Vanitas have a chat. Ventus isn't taking Vanitas's usual bullshit.





	Moving Forward

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVENT FULLY BEATEN THIS GAME BUT I KNOW ENOUGH.  
> Please please forgive me. My knowledge of kh is uhhh a wild time. I literally cant remember a few games and did a lot of research on things so again forgive me. 
> 
> I refuse to acknowledge Vanitas is actually uh dead so here's my feelings
> 
> ALSO I GUESS THIS IS MY 100TH FIC.

“..I know you're there.” Ventus's voice is the last thing he wants to hear. It's what he wants to hear more than anything else. His heart betrays him in that regard. The closer they are the more the strands of him that connect the two of them ache and cry and reach.

Desperate to be complete. The jagged edges of himself whine and weep. They want to be one in a way he'll never received. The two of them fusing...it's no longer an option.

And he thought. He'd hoped. That when he chose his role as the shadow. That when he faded. It would finally be for good.

But his heart had betrayed him.

Because while he cried.

Inside of course. Because Vanitas was nothing but composed. Nothing but calm. He created the unversed from negativity but that didn't mean inside he was a raging storm of agony and pain and screaming. That inside his own emotions were like knives and barbs and acid that cut and burn and threatened to tear through the thin barrier he put up.

He longed for death. Because he was better. He'd served his purpose. There was no need for him to continue. No need for him to move forward. He was a shadow. And there was too much light.

“...Vanitas.” Ventus calls out walking through this graveyard. The place he had hoped for his own grave. “...You know I can kinda sense whether you exist or not right?”

There's a tug in his heart and he tries to fight his response. He puts the wall up in himself stronger. Tries to be calm. Tries to be emotionless. Tries to not exist.

But that in itself if a response, even if he'd managed to get his traitorous heart to shut up, and Ventus knows when he's ignoring him after he was weak enough to let the other feel his side. Usually, there's enough interference that the other would be blind to his feelings.

Xehanort is gone however, and there is nothing to distract himself with.

There is nothing left for him to be. He should have faded.

“...You're stupid.” Ventus says kicking a rock. Vanitas internally snorts. He's terrible at this. If he thinks he can press enough buttons to bring him out.

“...I know that wasn't what you chose. I know that isn't what you want. I know darkness isn't all you are.” There's shuffling sounds to what Vanitas assumes is Ventus sitting down.

His stomach swirls and he shoves all the boxes on his shelf harder into their spots. He cannot allow a slip up. A single unversed will remove any doubt that blond haired fool has. He'll never be free. As it is, he doubts he will be. Ventus is stubborn. He sees light in places there isn't. He knows very well this boy will probably sit here for at least an entire day, and if he leaves, it will be the others who will drag him from this place.

The others that would not want him even if he believed a single word this idiot has to say.

He doesn't. Of course. 

Because how dare he? How dare he? Darkness is all he is. Darkness is all he has. The unversed are born from him. Born from negativity. He is literally the darkest parts scooped out of his heart and shaped into the something completely void of light. How could he ever hope to be anything but the shadow the others cast? How can he be anything but a soldier of darkness in the ever going battle between the two?

He is darkness as much as Ventus is light.

“...I'm not pure you know? I'm not pure light. There's still darkness in me.” Ventus's words mean he heard him. He needs to be quieter. He needs a stronger wall. Fuck if it means he'll know he's here. He needs to know he doesn't want this. He needs to know he doesn't care.

Because of course Ventus isn't all light. He's been touched by the shadows now. And....Vanitas was made from his darkness. But not all of it. Not all of it right.

Ventus's laughs and Vanitas squeezes his fists so hard he can feel his knuckles go white.

“Is that really your reasoning? Who's stupid now, huh?” There's a sound of a rock being chucked. Vanitas can feel that fools sappiness seep through the cracks of the wall. “Nothing is completely dark. Nothing is completely light. You're supposed to be the smarter one. Guess that's not across the board?”

FUCK HIM. An unversed swirls to life in front of Ventus and kicks a rock at him.

“Ow!” Ventus cries, and Vanitas poofs the thing as quick as he can, trying to find his center. He moves somewhere else as quick as he can. Which....he's far more exhausted than he'd like to admit. So it's not far. But it's not the same spot.

Ventus is smart enough to track him based on that unversed. 

And he's smart enough to know that Vanitas will move, which is why Ventus doesn't move at all.

It's infuriating. That's this stupid naive brat thinks he can get under his skin. Thinks he understands him.

“I'm the older one you know? You were made from me....so if anything, you're the brat?” Ventus laughs and Vanitas shakes as he can feel the good-natured teasing. How fucking dare he.

“...Xehanort is gone. He can't hurt you anymore.” Vanitas can feel under that the deeper message. That Ventus won't let anyone hurt him.

He's a fool. Xehanort isn't gone. He'll never be gone. No matter what they do. No matter how they try. His master is stronger.

He'll never be safe from him. He'll never be free. That's why he has to choose to be on his side. To give himself the illusion of control over his life. Wait. Illusion. No. It's no illusion. He's chosen this himself.

“...He scooped you out from me and tortured you, Vanitas. He manipulated like he did the rest of that organization. He convinced you that you were doing what you wanted to do. But I know that you didn't want that. Not really.” He's so fucking sure of himself.

What does he know about him? Just because they're from the same source. It means NOTHING.

“We spent how long in Sora's heart together? I know a lot more than you'd like. I can feel what you feel. I can hear what you think. You can't always keep it from me, you know? Your emotions are too powerful for the walls you try to put up.”

Bastard. Know it all Bastard. Asshole. Fucking idiot. FOOL. Who does he think he is? To act as if...as if? FUCK HIM.

Vanitas swallows and tries to stay calm but a few unversed pop up and he hates himself. He hates himself for being weak. He is calm. He can stay calm on the outside. But on the inside it's a hurricane and it hurts. It hurts.

All he wants is death. That's all he wants. Why can't he just DIE? He was promised salvation and he was denied. He was destroyed and he was denied.

He is nothing but a collection of ugly feelings no one wants and he hates that. Why can't he just die or feel nothing at all?

“...I don't want you to die though? You and I. We never got a chance to be ourselves. With no one to manipulate us. And well, not in someone else's heart?”

Does this idiot really want him to go back with him? With all the others? Does he think they'll accept him? That they'll WANT him. He's sure Aqua and Terra will be thrilled to see him. He's sure Sora will love to see evil incarnate wearing his face. The other members of Organization XIII are different. They were once creatures of light. He was not. Is not. Will never be.

He does not belong there.

“I don't care. I want you there. I'll protect you. And...maybe if you stop being such a jerk, the others will like you too.”

Like him? Like the embodiment of darkness? Like the one that tried to kill them? The others are different. Didn't he understand that? Didn't-

“Found you!” Ventus voice is too close, but he doesn't touch him. Vanitas is both thankful for that, but he's also frustrated. He wants it, but he hates it. 

Shit. He was careless. Shit. Shit. 

“Go away.” Vanitas bites out, taking a step back. He's so thankful for his helmet that hides his face. His face that isn't his. His face that would make it harder for him to fit in. Not that he wants it.

“...Tell me you want me to. With your heart.” Ventus stares straight through him. The all knowing tone he has is infuriating. Because he's right. He's right. He doesn't want Ventus to leave. Can't have him leave again. 

He never wanted to see him again so he wouldn't have to deal with them parting. So he wouldn't have to deal with feeling broken. So he wouldn't have to think about what's next.

He just wants to die. He should have.  
“I'm gonna touch you. If you really don't want me to, tell me to stop.” Ventus pauses, but Vanitas does nothing but glare. He can't speak lies with his heart as much as he wants to. Desperately wants to.

Ventus's hand on his arm feels like lightning and he takes a deep breath that feels like life. Feels like weakness.

“You're a stupid naive idiot.” Vanitas growls before he leans his weight into Ventus. “What if this is all a ploy to trick you? What if Xehanort left a last resort plan in my hands? Don't you have any self-preservation?”

“Well, we're made from the same stuff, so I guess that's our real similarity, huh? Can't seem to care about our own well-being.” Ventus laughs and they're sitting on the ground now shoulder to shoulder.

“I don't need to care about my well-being. I'm strong and smart enough to survive.” Vanitas elbows him. It's half truths. It's the most he can say.

Both of them know where the lies in that are. Ventus can sense the way his heart screams to die. To even more so have never have existed. The way when he'd faded that he'd been so happy.

Ventus knows what Vanitas really meant by he chose the path he did. He hoped to be a shadow. One that would fade as the light became too bright to cast any. A shadow that stopped existing. Not darkness that swallowed the world.

But Ven is too bright. And the brightest lights cast the longest shadows. And if he is Ven's shadow, he cannot just disappear.

“All you've ever known is pain.” Ventus leans his head in Vanitas's shoulder. “At least...try it out? If it's really so bad, I'll help you find a way to...” Ventus doesn't say it, and Vanitas can feel the way he cannot bare to even think it.

That's a lie. Ventus would never.

There's a resounding feeling that's strong in response. Ventus doesn't think he needs to.

“Fine.” Vanitas huffs, looking to the side. “I'll be surprised if you can even get me within 100 meters of the others anyway. They'll try to destroy me upon sight.” They will destroy him. If this doesn't work, they'll kill him, and maybe he'll finally be free.

“Can you stop that!” Ventus grabs the sides of his helmet. “...Take it off and let me look at you.”

“Why? You've seen my face enough. Smiling and happy. Why would you want to see this version of it?” Vanitas yanks himself back trying to hide the way fear digs its claws into his stomach. Vulnerability. He doesn't want him to see him.

“....Your face is different than his. The way you express yourself is different. Just like how I'm not Roxas!” Ventus frowns. “...Please. Vanitas.”

“Roxas copied your face. I copied Sora's. It's different.” Vanitas hisses at him. “You're not some cast off-” A handful of unversed appear before them. “Fuck off.” He clenches his fist and they poof.

“....You're not a cast off. Not to me. You're like a cat. You refuse to show how much you care. But I know you do. You hiss when I get close to realizing.” Ventus reaches out to touch the bottom of his helmet again. “You hurt people because you think they'll hurt you. You hurt them because you push away before they can push you away. You treat people to match what people think of y-”

The helmet comes off and Vanitas glares as hard as he can. Maybe if he glares harder Ventus will light on fire with the sheer force of his ire. Then they'll both disappear.

His heart squeezes at the thought. He doesn't want Ventus to disappear.

Wait.

“I took the helmet off. Stop trying to psychoanalyze me. You're not smart enough to do that.” Vanitas scowls deeply. But he doesn't have a helmet to hide the way his face had shown his feelings when he'd thought of losing Ventus. He needs his helmet. It's hard enough masking his voice. He cannot mask his eyes. He tries. He tries to be as snide and hateful as he can.

But he can't hide from him.

“Now.” Ventus grabs his face and presses their foreheads together. “I'm not letting you disappear. I'm not letting you die.” The sheer determination in his voice makes Vanitas feel small for a brief moment. He hates it. “If you die, I will go to the Final World and put you back together myself!”

He's a fool. As if the things that made these realms would allow a blight such as himself to linger in that world. That world where hearts go when they don't want to leave what they've left behind. He has no heart.

….and it most certainly doesn't long for something he cannot have.

“...I'd like to see you try.” Vanitas says as evenly as he can and immediately leans out of his grasp. He turns quickly and there's a foreign feeling that heats up his ears and face. He pulls his helmet up quickly. It's not something he wants the other to see.

“I will!” Ventus looks away, obviously displeased the helmet is back up. “....Come home with me.”

“I have no home.” Vanitas replies quickly, but doesn't move away from the contact that they have. It soothes his heart. “And I do not need one.”

His heart that he doesn't have betrays him. It longs for things he could never have. It longs to be something he can never be.

Besides, he doesn't deserve that chance. He is a monst-

“Come make one.” Ventus says and stands up grabbing his hand, putting it to his heart. “Do something you really want to for once. Be what you can be.”

And with that Ventus yanks him forward, practically dragging Vanitas forward.

“I'll tell you what people keep telling me.” Ventus points his key blade forward and looks over to him. “Let your heart be your guiding key.”

And Vanitas frowns before summoning Void Gear and placing it with Ventus's. The hot feeling spreads into something foreign. Something that maybe some would name hope. He thinks perhaps he's finally lost it.

...Maybe.

Maybe he'd like to be wrong.


End file.
